It May Be God's House, But This Time Jesus Is Getting His Own Room

There is a church up the road from our house that is attended by a certain politician who happens to have a powerful job here in Georgia. I don’t want to give it away, but his name rhymes with Honey LeDoux (which, by the way, would make an excellent stripper name if anyone is in the market). After Honey got elected to his “powerful job” this already big church began building an even larger building right next door. It was completed in October and it is now being used as their new sanctuary. I’m not trying to imply that this church got the ball rolling on their new building only because a member of their flock happened to be elected to the highest political office in the state, although it may be easy to infer that from what I typed. I don’t really care if, uh, let’s say the leftover money in Honey’s campaign fund got put in his church’s expansion pot. I’m not even sure if that would be illegal. They could probably chalk it up as a big ol’ faith-based initiative, but forget all of that. The reason I’m writing about this is because this church is beyond huge. It’s ginormous. It’s hella-big. I have noticed more and more of these huge churches popping up everywhere. I have never understood why churches get so big. It seems to me that people would feel lost and there would be a very impersonal feel to a church that is so big. I also don’t know what they could possibly do with that much space. It can’t all be for the actual church service, so I started doing some investigating and here are some of the features in these new huge churches.

• Retractable roof
• Olympic-sized baptismal pool (w/water slide)
• Bat cave
• Ark (just in case)
• 24-hour Laundromat
• Stadium seating

(Note: this picture does not show the old church which is right next door or the gym or the big parking lot or...)